A little less talk and a lot more hugs

In a previous post, I reviewed “Beyond Logic, Consequences, and Control” by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post. The book had been recommended to us by a family therapist that we had seen last year. We decided to start seeing this therapist, RB, on a regular basis last month. Much of her approach is based on the Beyond Consequences book. We’ve seen her twice so far, and our last visit was perfectly timed.

BE had a difficult week with lots of acting out. Of course, we talked about all of these issues with RB, and to sum it up simply, she recommended two things.

First, to help BE “regulate” more, we should give her a lot more physical contact. Specifically, she described something she called 10-20-10, meaning 10 minutes of contact in the morning, 20 in the afternoon, and 10 at night. In the morning and at night, we’ve been rubbing her back, and after work, J will hold her while they watch a movie or tv show.

RB also quickly picked up on the fact that when BE acts inappropriately, J and I tend to talk the issue to death with her. Due to emotional development issues, RB told us that BE is likely unable to understand everything that we’re telling her, so we just need to keep it short.

J and I talked about a lot of other issues, but RB suggested that we stick with these two basic things before we move on to more complex problems. It’s only been a few days, so I can’t really share any results yet, but I’m hoping that it will be positive for all of us.