We recently had our third visit with BCLC therapist, RB. She pointed out that I spend too much time worrying about BE and BC’s future.
It’s true that I used to be a big worrier. I used to worry about big things like money, but also about what I would do the next day. Just like my anger, I thought I was over this worrying – that I had conquered it. Well, I ‘m discovering that having kids is unearthing a lot of the flaws I thought were gone.
When BE and BC have behavior problems, I imagine those problems magnified in 10 years. And, I imagine where those problems will take them – perhaps jail, unemployed, or addicted to drugs. RB reminded me that I can’t control what will happen in 10 years; all I can control is this particular moment. So there’s no point in imagining the terrible things that will happen; I just need to address what’s happening now. This is one of those things that I know in my head, but I don’t always fully believe it. I’m hard on myself, and I just feel so much pressure to get everything right.
2 thoughts on “Fear and loathing in the Midwest”
Hang in there; we never know what the future holds for our children, or who they will be after they grow out of that teen year brain haywire brain years. Having a kid made my anxiety do really funny things too, I THOUGHT I had anxiety before…oh, my!