It’s National Adoption Month again. In honor of this “event,” I’m starting a new series called “The Future of Adoption.” In this series, I’d like to explore what adoption can and should look like in the future. I’ll also make suggestions on how we can get there. I’m not a social work, law-maker, or adultContinue reading “National Adoption Month: The Future of Adoption”
Tag Archives: beyond consequences
Changing Choices, not Personality
Like many adoptive parents, I’ve often wondered about the balance between nature and nurture. How much influence can parents have on their children, and how much has been predetermined? For now, I’ve come to the following conclusion: I can’t change my children’s personalities, but I can influence their choices. I don’t believe that my children’sContinue reading “Changing Choices, not Personality”
Addressing Food-Related Issues
In Heather Forbes’ latest newsletter, she answers a reader’s question about a child’s refusal to eat dinner. Here’s the question: “My four-year-old sits down to dinner and says, ‘I don’t like that.’ He either won’t eat at all or won’t eat his vegetables. He then gets annoyed, trying to leave the table, whining and refusingContinue reading “Addressing Food-Related Issues”
Chores: what a difference a year makes
When BE was still in kindergarten, we began assigning her chores. It was a total disaster. It completely overwhelmed her and she often had meltdowns. We would get very frustrated and the whole situation would escalate. The worst chore for her was vacuuming under the dinner table. We hadn’t yet been introduced to BCLC, soContinue reading “Chores: what a difference a year makes”
Sharing trauma stories
I’ve shared many times that I get nervous when I think about explaining all the details of BC’s early life to him. So far he understands that he’s adopted and that his first mom and dad couldn’t take care of him. But I know a time will come when he (and BE) will want specifics.Continue reading “Sharing trauma stories”
A BCLC primer
If you’re curious about Beyond Consequences, but aren’t committed enough to read the books, check out Heather Forbes’ audio interview on “Adoption Perspectives.” The interview is less than an hour, and Heather shares many of the basics of BCLC. Even though we’re not new to BCLC, I still appreciated being reminded of the essentials. IfContinue reading “A BCLC primer”
Back to school, BCLC style
In Heather Forbes’ latest e-newsletter, she answers addresses the following issue from a reader: “My son is an angel at school but a terror at home. He was even student of the month last school year. But when he gets home, our home is absolute chaos and he is just nasty to me.“ BE strugglesContinue reading “Back to school, BCLC style”
I get scared when you yell
One thing I really like about BCLC is that much of it is about improving yourself as opposed to always trying to change your kids. Another aspect that I’ve come to accept as true for me, is that there are really only two primary emotions – love and fear. So when I get angry becauseContinue reading “I get scared when you yell”
It’s all about relationships
As I’ve written before, I subscribe to Heather Forbes’ e-newsletter (Heather is the co-author of “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control”). In a recent edition, Heather answered the following question: “Could you please explain more about why I should see my child’s issues as ‘regulatory’ instead of ‘behavioral’ and the neuroscience that supports this concept?” Here’sContinue reading “It’s all about relationships”
A Father’s Day lesson
It’s J’s second official Father’s Day and just today, he reminded me of one reason why I appreciate him. As many of you know, J and I follow the “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control” (BCLC) parenting theory. BCLC discourages using ultimatums, and I’ve become very adept at getting around this by using masked ultimatums. Today,Continue reading “A Father’s Day lesson”
Shannon Mackie 