A while back, BCLC therapist RB introduced us to the idea of making our kids’ worlds smaller. By this, she meant to make their worlds more manageable for them. So far, we’ve been pretty successful at this, and it’s seemed to make a difference for us. The kids appear to be more regulated – and so do I. Mostly, we’ve just become more like home bodies. BE only has one activity that she’s involved in and we really haven’t started BC in anything yet. We’ve reduced our restaurant visits and we eat at home a lot more. If we spend a couple of hours in extra activities on the weekends, that seems like enough for us at this point.
In an interview a while back, BCLC author Heather Forbes described the concept this way: “Parents need to have realistic expectations of the child and make their world very small, focusing first on physical safety, security and establishing trust.”
As the kids get older, I’m sure we’ll start to expand their worlds more, but for right now, our schedule seems to be working well.
I subscribe to an online newsletter by Heather Forbes, one of two authors of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control. If you’re at all interested in BCLC, check it out at the Beyond Consequences Institute. In recent newsletter, I really liked how Heather explained the BCLC approach. Here’s an excerpt of what she wrote:
Q: If a child is not taught through consequences, how will he ever learn to live in a world filled with consequences?
A: When you are teaching your children to drive a car, do you teach them how to get into an accident so they are prepared for one in the future? I hope not! Instead, we teach our children how to be defensive drivers in order to prevent and be free of accidents.
This analogy demonstrates the idea of teaching our children consequences because we live in a world filled with consequences. Think about this important concept: Instead of teaching our children how to suffer consequences, we need to teach them how to stay regulated in order to avoid consequences. The first is reactive parenting. The second is proactive parenting.
When people ask me about BCLC, I often have a hard time explaining everything that it is. But, this quote seems to help simplify things a little.