Changing Choices, not Personality

Adoption

Like many adoptive parents, I’ve often wondered about the balance between nature and nurture. How much influence can parents have on their children, and how much has been predetermined?

For now, I’ve come to the following conclusion: I can’t change my children’s personalities, but I can influence their choices. I don’t believe that my children’s preferences, talents, strengths, or weaknesses would be any different if they had been raised in a different family. But, I do hope that in this environment, they will feel secure and loved enough to make choices not based on fear, but based on love. Of course, this belief is strongly influenced by my immersion in Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control (BCLC), which states that there are only two primary emotions: love and fear.

What are your beliefs about nature vs. nurture? I’d love to hear some other points of view.