Big girls don’t cry

I rarely cry. Even though we’ve had some tough times as a family, I’ve only broken down twice. The second time was just a few days ago. BE was awake at about 10 p.m., and when this happens she seems to be in a weird place between awake and asleep. In this state, she gets hysterical. She cries and screams. Whatever she says makes no sense. There’s no consoling her or even waking her.

J and are very quiet. Before we had kids our house was peaceful. We don’t fight that much, and even when we do, it usually doesn’t involve yelling. Sometimes when BE is screaming like this, I lose my patience. This time I tried to stay very calm. Even though she was yelling at me, I kept telling her that I loved her, that I would never stop loving her, and that was safe with us. For some reason, this didn’t help at all; it actually seemed to make her behavior worse. I was holding her, and in addition to the yelling, she started hitting and scratching and biting. She started insulting me – telling me that I was stupid and that she didn’t like me anymore. I kept up my mantra and when she finally calmed down, after at least 30 minutes, I couldn’t help it – I started crying myself.

Once she was lucid, she apologized, but I was so upset. I know that I shouldn’t be letting a semi-conscious 6-year-old upset me so much, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being treated that way. I hope it won’t last forever.